After yesterday's long post, I thought I better just do some photos. I love these photos of Ash. She doesn't need a man...she can fix her lawnmower by herself...in a dress!!! That is cool:)! Her father loves the fact that she loves her lawnmower and can fix it!
This picture is my pregnancy...well, duh, what I should say is the "symbolism" of this picture is my pregnancy. Here is the shortened version of the Ashley story. Some parts may be a little drawn out, but are necessary for the story.
As everyone knows, we spent many years and dollars to have Alli and Isaac (totally worth ever penny!) and we were told that we had no chance of having more (on our own). So much so that they would not even prescribe me birth control pills. They told me there was no reason and no reason to pay the money. The twins turned a year old (which was very emotional) and I really thought I wanted more. The next month we got a bill for $600.00 to keep our embryos frozen for another year. It came at an emotional time for me, but an even more financially BAD time for me. We had two babies that were requiring a lot of cash and 600.00 was a lot of money.
It was very hard to make that decision to be DONE. It was very final, but a decision that Jimmy and I made together. We drove to GR and got our embryos and actually "buried" them with my grandma. I know to this day she is still taking GREAT care of them for me. I know some of you might not agree with this decision (for the record, it was a very hard decision), but there comes a point where you have to be "done". We had 10 embryo's left. Obviously, I could not have 12 kids!!
I also want everyone to know that I donated 12 of my eggs to a lady who at 24 stopped making her own. No explanation, just stopped. Jimmy had a hard time with this decision, but said it was mine to make. I felt it was the right thing to do. It was "just" an egg. The poor lady had no options. They can not make you make an egg. This was a way for her to have babies and for her babies to have the same genetic make up.
I wanted everyone to know this so they do not judge me for not "donating" my embryos. This was not an option for me. They were me and Jimmy...ours! I could not donate them to science or to another family. It just was not right with me.
So the next month, I decided that it was time to have all the "bad" girl parts removed. They did not work anyway and it was just time to be done. We just got back from Disney and I had an appointment for my annual exam the next week and thought it would be a perfect time to get it over with. I kept asking Jodi if they would do an annual exam while you are on your period. You know, to this day, I still do not have an answer to this question. I never got my period, which is not abnormal for me. It was always hit and miss. Jodi laughs and says maybe you are pregnant. Fast forward to the day before my appointment and I am feeling a little "funny". I think I might recognize this feeling:)! I go to the store and buy a pregnancy test and take it at Northland of all places.
Back up 3 years...I bought SO MANY pregnancy tests, you have no idea. They were all negative, but 1!! That one had two faint, I mean faint lines. As I am peeing on the stick, two lines instantly appear! There was no doubt!!! OMG, what am I going to do? Of course, I start balling. I am not sure if it was tears of happiness or what? WHAT!!!
My initial reaction was to go to Shelly. I needed to know for sure that she would take another baby. (Also, back up three years, I called Shelly at 10 weeks along with the twins to see if she would watch them for me. I guess, I need to know that they were all going to be taken care of.) Of course, she took this baby too!!!
That night I put the twins to bed and went out to the pole barn (where Jimmy was working on his race car) to tell him the "news". I was not sure how to go about this. I had always dreamed of this moment. It is not quite the same having a baby(ies) in a tube. the excitement and the "how did this happen" are not really there. So my exact words were...
K: Jimmy, can you keep a secret?
J: Yes
K: I mean it, promise?
J: Yeah, tell me
K: Guess who's pregnant?
J: Your sister with a big smile of his face
K: Close, but no
J: Who?
K: ME!!!
J: No you are not.
K: Yes, I am and I show him the "stick"
J: You can not be pregnant, we can't handle the two we have!
So not what you vision when you tell your husband that you are pregnant. I leave balling my head off to my sisters. Side note, she just got engaged a week earlier. I was going to be her matron of honor and just literally 2 days earlier bought the cutest, tightest (not tacky tight, just not pregnancy tight) purple dress to wear. I knocked on her front door, but she did not hear me so I went around back. She was sitting in her kitchen when I knocked on the window scaring the crap out of her. I was crying telling her that I could not be in her wedding. She had no idea why I was crying or saying this. She just kept staring at me when the words finally came out...I'm pregnant! She laughed. Not that mean laugh, but laugh that it wasn't something "major". She was actually very sweet to me that day. She let me talk about all of my worries and concerns and talked me through them. Telling me everything was going to be OK and it was going to be great. AND I still could be her matron of honor:)!
I went back home to Jimmy, who did apologize. His next words out of his mouth were, "I want my 20 grand back from Dr. Young!" There is the Jimmy I know and love!!! Followed up with "one in a million, my ass!"
You know to this day she is my one in a million baby. ALL of my kids are miracle babies in their own right. Well, what babes aren't. Mine are just extra special!
Ashley Kristine TenBrink was the missing link in the TenBrink family. It did take awhile to "adjust". Don't get me wrong, not a second went by that I did not want her, but to be told for so long that you can't have kids and then to be at a place where you are "done", to be pregnant took a little getting use to, especially with 2 one year olds running around.
The next day I had my doctors appointment where they did an ultrasound to make sure everything was OK and to be sure that there was just one! Everything just fit. My family was complete. Seeing that little baby heartbeat makes everything better. I can honestly say, to this day, a baby's heart beat on a Doppler is the best sound!
Well, there you have it the story of Ashley Kristine TenBrink! aka the missing link
